Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Our daughter Anisha is here :)

Our daughter Anisha Nandigama was born at 8:45 AM today. She is perfect in every way. Thanks to everyone who gave us so much love and support ! My sincere thanks to all my blog readers.

Throughout this crazy infertility journey and during this pregnancy, I felt the presence of God Almighty in the form of many of kind-hearted souls. Everyone was so kind, compassionate and understanding. I am grateful for everything.

Sorry, if I haven't replied to any your messages and I hope you understand that it was very stressful ! I will continue to keep this blog as educative as possible; it will always be a blog which talks about the scientific and emotional aspects of infertility. I hope now my blog also gives inspiration to many women who suffer from infertility. I dedicate this post to everyone who are putting a brave fight against it, I am sending lots of baby dust your way. Catch it please :) I am sure it will work.

The first person I would thank is my husband. Without him nothing would have been possible, I can never equal his good nature anytime. My child has the best dad in this world.

Thanks to Dr. Sai for playing the role of Brahma by putting together the best sperm and egg ! If he has selected a different sperm to inject into my particular egg, Anisha wouldn't be here. Dr. Sai, you must be very proud of your job.

My sincere thanks to Dr. Anjali Malpani for making our dream come true. I believe her extreme talent is what has made all the difference. 

Last but not the least, my Dr (Dr. Aniruddha Malpani) has made a huge positive difference in my life. All that I feel proud of in my life is his gift to me - from my blog to my child. He made me the person whom I am now - from unhappy, bitter infertile to a very happy, confident woman who is filled with love and happiness. Dr, your presence wiped all my life's biggest fears and gave me the strength to follow my dream, thank you so much ( Is just a thanks enough?)

Little more information for now - it is a vaginal delivery, she weighed 3.08 kgs, I thought I wouldn't survive the delivery ! She  is doing well, latched immediately. Will post some pictures very soon. Please, please leave your good wishes, that is what I value the most.

I will post my labor story as early as possible :)

Love,
Manju

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Happy Festive Season !

Wish you all a Merry X'mas and a very Happy 2015 ! May all your wishes come true !

Thursday, December 11, 2014

We


The little one in the last picture is my friend's daughter. The time I spent with her were very special moments and I was able to get an outlet for my motherly feelings. My God daughter :)

Friday, December 5, 2014

Some early pregnancy ultrasound pictures

I am fine and so is my little one. I will be completing 33 weeks of pregnancy tomorrow. This week my cervix measured 2.6 cm with a 2 mm funneling. This kind of funneling is very normal at this stage of pregnancy. When the funneling exceeds 5 mm or greater than 25 percent of the entire length of the cervix then it is something to be concerned. So, all looks fine now. After 34 weeks I am allowed to increase my activity levels. I just pray that I carry my little one atleast to 37 weeks.

My blog readers contact me and ask many questions about pregnancy related stuffs like, interpreting their ultrasound pictures, the technical terms used in it and also about NT scans. I must be very honest and say that I am not well-versed enough to explain such intricacies. For gaining knowledge I need to read a lot which I am unable to do now. Writing is becoming difficult; emotionally I feel completely drained out. Even for writing this I struggled for words! I hope things change with time. I am posting few ultrasound pictures of my LO taken during early stages of pregnancy. If you want any help interpreting your ultrasound pictures, this blog will be of great help : www. wombwithaviewblog.com. You can also write to Dr.Malpani, I am sure he will help too. His mail id is info@drmalpani.com. You can write to me too, I will try my level best to help as much as my knowledge allows. And, if any of you are wondering about my second name in the scan reports, it is our family name :)

Seventh IVF cycle timeline

Embryo retrieval : May 3rd
Embryo transfer : May 8th
First positive pregnancy test : May 15th
First ultrasound : At 7 weeks

7 week ultrasound
 

8 week ultrasound 



Wednesday, November 19, 2014

I am 30w4d pregnant and in hospital!




Yes, I am 30w4d pregnant. So far so good.

Today morning I came for an ultrasound to measure my cervix. It is 2 cm and my gynecologist saw a little funneling. She sent me immediately to the clinic where I met Dr. E. He is the one who performed my cerclage. He didn't find any funneling but has asked me to take corticosteroid for lung maturation. He dismissed my fears saying, "Oh, you can be still pregnant for another 4 months :)" Whether it is true or not but it eased my fears.

Rajender was very worried when I was asked to stay in the clinic for 5 more days so that they could monitor me and the little one. They took swabs from every opening of my body excluding my ear ;) They will monitor uterus contraction thrice a day. Fortunately I don't have any. They will monitor baby's heart beat too. All is fine until now. I have to have two shots of steroid, one I took today afternoon. Felt warm after the steroid shot, my face appeared flushed. From morning they monitored our little one's heart beat thrice and obviously our LO is very upset. During the last monitoring it kicked the lead which is kept on my tummy to monitor its heart beat vigorously, not once but several times. The nurse was shocked by that forceful kick. She was holding that lead to my stomach :) Tomorrow I will have one more dosage of steroid.

I am in a room where there are four more women. Rajender was upset that he couldn't stay with me :) He was too worried about the steroid shot. He was asking whether our little one will have long hands and legs because of that. I replied I would love to have a tall child :) So, until Monday, I have to be in hospital and if everything goes uneventful I will go home. I will miss cooking for Rajender, he hates cooking. I have spent 90% of my pregnancy, after cerclage, lying down. I cook for 15 minutes and that's it. All other work Rajender does! Our home is spic and span more than a neatly maintained hospital room. Rajender cleans everything with lots of antiseptics and disinfectants :) I will miss home, the calmness and the comfort there. I will miss my husband's constant company. But, I have to miss all this inorder to safeguard our little one.

Write to me. Will be happy to reply whenever I could. It will also keep me engaged. The ladies here are constantly chatting with each other. It is very hard to hear it all the time after being in such a quiet environment for so long :)

I will upload all the ultrasound pictures after I return home. This post contains our little one's picture at 12 weeks taken during NT scan :)

All your prayers and good wishes are most welcome :)

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Cervical cerclage (stitch) at 15 weeks

  

When the cervical swab which my gynecologist took came back positive for Staphylococcus aureus (a bacteria which is not usually present in vagina) she called me. She said that there was only very small amounts of bacteria found (it can also just be a contamination from elsewhere since S.aureus is a normal skin flora) and it was not something that was serious enough to stop the cerclage procedure. She gave me a local vaginal disfectant (a pessary) and asked me to insert in the vagina once a day. I had 5 more days left for the cerclage. In the clinic, they have also given me clindamycin (antibiotic), which I have to take for 7 days. My cerclage was scheduled on a Monday morning. Rjender was worried about my swab result. He was telling me, "the clinic people will make a big fuss about this swab result, perhaps they won't do the cerclage on Monday because of it". I thought his worry was unnecessary. But, on Friday evening, I got a call from the clinic. An intern physician talked to me. She said, "I saw your swab result and you can't have your cerclage on Monday morning". I was so upset and irritated. I was taking antibiotic and that local disinfectant as instructed, whatelse do they need to kill that stupid microbe! Already I was 15 weeks pregnant (cerclages done before 16 weeks are less risky), and one more concern was that the doctor who will be doing my cerclage will be on holiday the following two weeks. I told her that I was taking antibiotic. Her reply was, "Sorry, we can't perform a cerclage without another swab which comes back clear". I don't know how to convince her. I demanded that I want to meet the doctor who will be doing my cerclage. She said that he will be available only on Monday morning. She suggested me to come to operation theater directly on Monday morning and talk to him. I thought, if I meet the doctor directly I will convince him for the cerclage. I talked to Anju (my sister) who is a gynecologist too. She was upset too, she said, "We perform cerclages all the time. We never do a cervical swab. After cerclage we just give them IV antibiotic and send them home. I have never seen one adverse outcome (infection due to cerclage) in our setting ( she works in an Indian government hospital!)".

So on Monday morning we got ready and went to the clinic. From the moment I entered the clinic, I was asking the nurses there whether the doctor who will be performing the cerclage knows that I have come for the operation. Everyone's answer was yes. So I relaxed a bit. I thought might be the surgeon decided that my swab result was not a concern and decided to proceed with the surgery. They prepared me for the surgery. I wore a special gown in which I appeared like a clown. They brought a nice hospital bed and wheeled me to the operation theater. I waved good bye to Rajender; the thought whether I would see him again flashed within me as always. I have gone under anesthesia umpteen times in these 7 years and I was always lucky enough to see him again! I smiled and took leave from him, he planted a kiss on my forehead. Such loving gestures are the ones we remember most than the intimacy we enjoy during happy times, don't we?  Sometimes, however scary the ordeal may be, when I will be wheeled down to the OT a kind of childish excitement takes over me as if I am entering a brand new world. I was not tensed a bit, I know I will be having spinal anesthesia and I was looking forward to the experience. I was wondering who will be in the theater and how will the surrounding be! The only thing that was disturbing me was, they didn't do a scan to check the baby or the cervix before taking me to the OT. I thought might be in OT they  have an ultrasound machine. I noted in my mind that I must ask for a scan if they didn't do it before the operation.

When I reached the operation theater the nurses there was not happy with my attire. They brought a different gown, put me into that, and took me to the theater. The first face I saw was a very familiar one. My face bloomed with a smile. There stood the anesthesiologist, who was my colleague, my friend, whom I met in lab while I was doing my PhD. He was working for his doctor thesis in the same lab. We got to work together. He has come to our home with his girlfriend, we went to his place. He was such a pleasant person and my worry was halved on seeing him. He said he was the one who will be administering me spinal anesthesia. I was so relieved. They connected me to ECG leads and blood pressure monitoring instrument. Then the anesthesiologist asked, "Can I give you the anesthesia now?" I told him, "Please wait I want to meet the surgeon first, I need to ask him something". I told the anesthhesiologist about the swab and what the intern doctor said. So they waited for few more minutes and again he came to me. He said, "I will give you anesthesia first, since it is only spinal you can talk to the doctor after he comes". That was ridiculous, I thought. In case if the surgeon doesn't want to perform the surgery, why should I go under anesthesia unnecessarily! I told him this and he called the surgeon via mobile. After sometime the surgeon came with a warm smile. He asked what the matter was. I asked him whether he has seen the swab result and he was totally clueless about it! He looked at me with a confused look and asked the result of the cervical swab test to me. I was taken aback. I told him that they found Staphylococcus in it. He asked me again whether it was coagulase positive or negative bacteria. I asked what difference it would make to the surgery. He said if it was coagulase positive bacteria he wouldn't perform the surgery! I didn't want to tell him it was S. Aureus. I wanted him to know the result by himself. So he left the room in search of the result and came back after 30 minutes or so. I was chatting with my anesthesiologist friend until then. I expressed my concern over how unorganized they were and how they didn't even bothered to look at the baby before bringing me to OT. The surgeon came after 30 minutes and said, "Sorry I can't do the surgery today, it was S.Aureus and it is a coagulase positive strain". Lying down on the operation table, I argued that I was on antibiotic and have taken the local vaginal antiseptic too. I told him what Anju told me - how in India they perform cerclage without a cervical swab. He came near me and spoke in a soft voice. "I understand your fear. But, the climate in India is very different from here. Your amniotic fluid is in German climate. This S. Aureus is an extremely blood loving bacteria. It is very dangerous to do the surgery without another swab to make sure it is gone. You haven't yet completed the full course of antibiotic". I expressed my concern that he will not be available for the next two weeks and I am already in my 15 th week of pregnancy. He said, " Come tomorrow morning, I will take a cervical swab once again. I will make sure we get the result as quick as possible so that you can have the cerclage on Thursday or Friday". He promised me he will do the cerclage. I said good bye to everyone there. The anesthesiologist assured that he will be there on Thursday and Friday too. I was wheeled again to my room. Rajender was surprised to see me so early. I explained him everything. I changed to my clothes and took leave from the nurses.Thus ended my first attempt of having a cerclage :)

Next day I went to the clinic and they took another swab. Everytime they disturb my cervix I feel so uncomfortable. I made sure they used sterile speculum everytime. Some doctors without the least concern use the speculum whatever they get in hand. When it will be too big it made me scream with pain, all they would say is, "Please relax!" (afterall it's your fault!). When will my life become free of stirrups and speculums?

The results came on Wednesday. That afternoon I received a call saying that I can come on Thursday morning for surgery as the swab came back clear. This time I was given an ultrasound scan (to confirm baby's heartbeat) before preparing me for the surgery. I was wheeled to the operation theater. Anesthesiologist was waiting. I was given a spinal anesthesia. The anesthesia procedure was not painful but uncomfortable. I just prayed that they don't paralyze me by mistake. Within a few minutes lower portion of my body started to become numb. I couldn't feel my lower portion and it felt funny. They lifted my legs on to stirrups. I could hear nurses talk as they were preparing me for the surgery. The room was a bit cold. Anesthesiologist was talking to me now and then. One or the other person was coming near me every few minutes and asking whether I was ok. Anesthesiologist asked whether he could give me some medicine in IV so that I could sleep. I hated that idea. I wanted to be awake, I felt, by being awake, I have some control over the surgery; I wanted to stay awake to protect my little one. I believed that they will be more careful if I was awake. The surgeon came. He wanted to do a Shirodhkar cerclage which is more invasive than Mc Donald's cerclage (there are different kinds of cerclage, please wait for my post on cerclage). Dr. Malpani also wanted me to have a Shirodhkar cerclage as it will placed a little higher than Mc Donald's, and since the sutures run within the cervical muscles the chance of infection is lower too. I told the doctor to be very careful. He smiled assuringly and disappeared behind the screen which shielded my vision from what is happening in my nether region. The doctor has bought two interns too with him. I could hear him asking for specific surgical instruments to the nurses; I could hear him continuously instructing the interns which at times left me in panic. I wondered whether he is allowing them to handle the cerclage procedure. I wanted to say no but I decided to have faith. I started to feel cold at one point and they circulated warm air through a plastic bag and kept it on my chest. That helped a lot. I also felt very nauseous sometime which faded away quickly. Spinal anesthesia is horrible and I wondered how good general anesthesia felt! I tried hard to distract myself. Catholics believe that every soul which enters this world is assigned a guardian angel. I imagined my guardian angel standing near me holding my hands. The angel had a beautiful smile which was so soothing to look at and had big compassionate eyes too. The angel's hand was soft and smooth. The fingers were long, mine appeared like a dwarf's comparitively. That imagination helped me to relax and distracted me from unnecessary fears. I closed my eyes and believed that all will be well. The surgery lasted for one hour.At the end of the surgery the doctor assured me that all went well. He also said that he found no problem with my cervix, it was long and strong at that point.

After the surgery I was wheeled back to the recovery room. I was waiting for my lower part to regain its senses. Everyone who were brought after me started to leave that room but my legs doesn't seem to move at all. As time went by I started to panic, "Will I regain my senses in my leg?". When I was wondering so, the atmosphere around me became restless suddenly. All the nurses there surrounded me quickly. There was some machine in one of the nurses hand. They started to remove the gown that covered the upper part of my body. I was wondering about the sudden attention I was getting. Someone spoke, "We need to take an ECG, you are having tachycardia, your heartbeat is in the 130 range. Please do not panic its just a precautionary check". I was baffled for a second and then asked them whether they are having me on tocolytic medicine (a drug to prevent uterus contraction). They checked and said yes. I relaxed, tocolytics naturally have the tendency to increase one's heart beat. When they tried to remove the cloth covering my upper body to fix the ECG leads, my hand automatically pulled the cloth up like a reflex action. Until they laughed I didn't understand what I was doing. Only when a male nurse there said, "Ok I will turn to the other side,"  I realized what I was doing. It was really humiliating. I wondered whether I was taught (by the society I grew up) to look at my body as mere sexual object! I have always admired the fact how women in western countries feel comfortable about their body! It took me almost 3 hours to move my legs. Once I proved the nurse that I could move my legs I was allowed to leave the recovery room. They wheeled me into a room where Rajender was waiting for me. I stayed there for 5 more days. I was given IV antibiotics. They checked my blood parameters for infection periodically. That hospital stay brought us all the memories of 10 horrible days I spent lying down with twins. It is the same for Rajender too. We were too afraid of everything that could go wrong. With twins, one fine night, one of my little one's amniotic sac broke. That was the most haunting experience for us. We were so afraid whether it will repeat again. A very small movement from me would wake Rajender up. He never left me alone in the hospital, he made sure that he stayed with me at nights. Although I felt safe I couldn't get comfortable in Rajender's presence. I have to think several time before I turn in bed. I would be worrying that it will wake him up. I understood his fear and anxiety. I saw him sleepless and paranoid. I insisted that he must stay at home but in vain. He carried(s) me and my little one in his head and heart always!

The hospital stay was eventless. They discharged me after 5 days with one more course of oral antibiotic to take for the next 7 days. Before that they did an ultrasound to confirm our little one was ok. The cerclage was a welcome relief for every one of my loved ones. I must thank the doctor for doing a wonderful job, the cerclage is holding on fine until now without further problems. Might be my cervical problem was just a twin thing, I will never know!

So, how far along I am? Definitely my next post is all about that :)
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